What I Learned Watching 'The Bachelor' Last Night...
Don’t judge me... I’m super into 'The Bachelor'.
I hardly even turn on the TV these days but 'The Bachelor' gets me every time. The drama, the Osher and the complete trash they call
Australia’s most popular show.
I love it!
Last night’s episode was a cracker. The Bachie (Matt) had a nuclear meltdown with all the girls competing for his attention.
It had me realise something:
Too much choice is paralysing.
And these days you pretty much have an infinite amount of choice when it comes to your health. Even I get confused sometimes by the tidal wave of information.
Chris Hemsworth claiming his new app has the best workouts.
An Instagram model releases her new fat-sizzling 7-day detox.
The ripped guy at the gym says you should be doing this, not that.
There’s way too much to do in one lifetime.
Many of them will actually work if you stick to them (ok, maybe not the detox). The problem is with this much choice you end up either paralysed or program hopping.
Not starting at all or starting again too often.
In both cases, zero progress is made.
And in our bachelor Matt’s case, a meltdown follows.
The question then becomes:
How do you narrow down the choice?
How do you know your choice is right?
And how do you stick to it?
Narrowing down the choice follows a simple process.
Start by defining your goal. For Matt, he wants to find a partner he can spend the rest of his life with. A clear goal. For you, your choice should be determined by what outcomes you want from it.
Do you want to put on muscle or lose fat?
Get stronger or run a half-marathon?
Lower your blood cholesterol or increase your booty size?
Why? Why? Why?
The further you get into the details here the better choice you’ll make.
To decide whether your choice is right, place it through some filters.
For Matt, he has a couple of filters each of his choices will go through:
Can I imagine a future with this person?
This is a TV show… will our lives be able to come together afterwards in the real world?
Does this person have a good laugh?
For you, it would look a little different:
Does the program have proof it works? Testimonials from people like you? Is it backed by studies and research?
Is it realistic? Will I be able to complete it?
What does this person have to gain from selling me something? Some people have ill intentions and you can spot them a mile away.
Finally… now you’ve made your choice, how do you stick to it?
‘How To Stick To Your Choice’
Following through, discipline, motivation - whatever you want to call it. It’s really the key to anything.
I’m not going to be able to dissect human behaviour in one article (or even scratch the surface). Instead, I’ll provide some useful tips and notes you can use this week to give you extra ‘sticking power’ straight away.
1. Don’t rely on motivation.
Because it doesn’t last - it comes and goes in peaks and troughs.
Motivation -> Inspiration -> Action = wrong.
If you’re waiting until your motivated to do something you’ll never get far. Here’s how it really works:
Action -> Inspiration -> Motivation.
Action comes first. Action creates inspiration. Action creates motivation. Relying on motivation is unsustainable, immature, and limiting. Yet, this is the framework for how most people live their lives.
Motivation is fleeting and unreliable; you can go months without it. To rely on it is not a winning strategy. Ignore motivation - if it’s there, great. Use it. If it’s not, act anyway. This is how you create sustainable motivation in the first place.
It doesn’t matter how you feel. Act anyway.
2. Get deeper on the why.
To not have to rely on motivation, you need something deeper. There needs to be a real, meaningful reason why you want to change or do something. Behaviour change is no easy task - we are essentially rewiring a part of us. Something that’s hardwired into your brain.
This is where the rule of 3 comes in. For any significant decision, change or undertaking, you must have a real reason behind it.
Ask yourself why 3 times. Why do you making this change?
It’s the new you. It’s not a fad. It’s not going to go yo up and down.
“This is my new normal. Not something I do when I’m pumped or excited.”
You will not stick to any choice unless you make that decision.
3. Get super self-aware (without being weird about it)
Self-awareness is being aware of your consciousness. This means doing things with intent and considering the consequences of those actions.
It’s super easy to grab takeout on your way home, drink 5 beers instead of 2 and rationalise skipping a workout for a dog walk on the weekend.
In the moment those things make sense.
But how will they impact everything else?
Good questions are my weapon of choice to develop self-awareness.
A good question has the ability to flip your perspective. It’s a way to test your own, or somebody else’s assumptions. When I’m coaching, I don’t need to know everything about everything, but by asking the right questions at the right times, most of my clients can figure out the answers on their own.
To start being more aware try asking yourself these 3 questions a few times a day:
What have I done recently that I’m most proud of?
Is there anything I could be doing better?
How will the things I’m doing today impact me tomorrow, next week and next year?
4. Micro speed. Macro patience.
Building off the last point, this is a term I like to use to explain the day-to-day stuff vs the long-term goals. Being impatient with your actions and being patient with the outcomes.
Unfortunately, most people are living life backwards.
They are quick to set lofty goals, thinking 3-months to 5-years in the future. They are living in the macro. Then on the micro, they don’t focus on maximising everything they can in the here and now.
For example, someone expects to have a flourishing family in 5 years but doesn’t take the time to invest in any relationships in the present.
Setting your goals is good, and that’s all they are. General goals giving you a direction to work towards and being very patient as you spend the next few years working towards them. Then, executing with speed in the short-term. Hitting all allocated workouts, getting nutritious food into you every few hours, getting to bed on time and planning your days in advance.
We don’t have much control over our journey in the next few years. But, we can choose to be all over the next 7 days.
In the long-term, it’s how you approach the weeks which matter.
5. Build the perseverance muscle.
Just like going to the gym to build your biceps, you can build your ‘mental’ muscles too. The hardest part about building muscles is it’s painful. Physically, mentally or both, it hurts, it’s uncomfortable. And that’s where most people give in.
Lucky for us, human beings are built to adapt.
Although we don’t like discomfort, we eventually get used to it. Start waking up at 5.30am instead of 6am - it’s tough the first week but after that it becomes the new normal.
Similarly, undertaking tough and frustrating challenges allow you to grow. Periods of hardships, self-doubt and failures are the perfect conditions to build your perseverance muscle.
As the saying goes, “What matters is who you become in the process, not reaching the goal.”
Say no to alcohol this week and next week it’s much easier.
Work out 3x this week and next week it’s much easier.
Plan out your week on a Sunday and soon it will feel weird not to plan ahead.
All because you’re building your mind muscles.
I really hope you found this useful. If you need anything else feel free to reach out. I'd love to help.